Written by Australian Warlord at 02:47 30/9-2019
A 5:00am plane slowly taxis in, carrying the most insidious of cargo, thereby confirming Chat Tabloid's growing fears.
After 24 seasons, or more than 6 years of silent abandonment, signs of activity within Australian Warlord’s lair had been increasing in recent times, from boxes of equipment being delivered, to rumoured kidnappings, the purchasing of strange medical supplies, and of aged stars being lured into the AW fortress but never coming out. All of these indicated an ill omen, of the infamous Australian Warlord team (most well-known for the butchering of older cyclists for profit), gearing up for formal reactivation.
At 5:45am, the insidious cargo steps out of arrivals. Jarryd Stackpole. By 5:50am, the former AW PR Manager is photographed talking with an elderly man, somebody who we couldn’t confirm the identity of at the time, but have since discovered is AW’s former physician, Dr Hugo Ryberg, who as some may recall had been convicted years prior in a UN court for harvesting body organs from Chinese prisoners.
As the 6:00am news begins, the two men enter a taxi.
Their activities over the next 7 hours are a mystery, however at 1:00pm, Stackpole arrives at Australian Warlord headquarters, minus the doctor who’d been stripped of his licence, but gaining a black briefcase.
What had the former PR Manager been doing all of these years? And what was in the briefcase? If rumours are to be believed, Mr Stackpole had spent considerable time in Sudan, Nigeria, Burkina Faso, Kenya, & Ethiopia, gaining several more Interpol warrants for war crimes under different aliases. Wherever he’d been, by 5:20pm, Australian Warlord had officially become the wealthiest team in OCM.
Shortly after 6:00pm, Stackpole & AW’s manager Rustgold are photographed in conversation as the two men walk towards a waiting taxi, Stackpole seen holding tickets for Russia.
Russia, where The Family can take over your neighbourhood, evicting you for profit, gain billion dollar utility contracts by bribery & corruption, have its enemies jailed, and that’s on kind days.
We at Chat Tabloids attempted to keep close watch over the taxi, but evidently we don’t do as well as we’d hoped, because when the taxi arrives at Brisbane Airport around 7:20pm, Stackpole steps out, without AW’s manager. At the airport, Stackpole is met by the superb young talents of Cook & Haymen, the former Jubalon & Alpine Div1 dh specialist domestique of Vebjörn Þengillsson, and a strictly amateur cyclist by the name of Geri Meyer. Together, they head for the international sign in queue.
At 7:42pm, they make it to the front of the queue, where they all hand over their passports. Moments later, they’re joined by another airport officer, who after a few words leads Stackpole away. Could we dare hope?
While we’re debating whether to risk talking with the cyclists, Australian Warlord’s manager arrives, escorting two youngsters wearing ill-fitting AW shirts & puzzled faces, clutching a ticket each as if they had no idea where they were, or where they were going. And by the looks of them, we doubt that they’d even been on a bike, yet alone raced. What was his game?
Depositing the two non-cyclists with the others, Rustgold headed off in search of his missing former PR manager. And with the Australian Warlord cyclists temporarily, or maybe dare we hope permanently, missing a minder, we at Chat Tabloid took the incredibly brave decision to risk approaching those under Rustgold’s control to speak with them, and even collect evidence.
CT: “Tickets to Russia?”
Haymen: “Yep.”
CT: “Looking forward to sightseeing, or…”
Haymen: “We hope so. Perm’s supposed to be nice this time of season. It’ll be our first time there. Grant’s team captain for stage two, but we’ll try a breakaway as well.”
CT: “Team captain?”
Þengillsson: “Perm Tour.”
CT: “Perm Tour?”
Meyer: “Division three OCM cycling tour of Russia.”
Cook: “Rustgold says that if we do well, he’ll work at hiring several more specialist support cyclists for Joe and me, and have us racing in division two this season.”
Haymen: “He’s going to book us for an Italian race as well.”
Cook: “And America if our form’s good. Well most of us, not Vebjörn.”
Haymen: “Oh right.”
Cook: “Vebjörn will be going to somewhere in China with Jar… Mr Stackpole.”
Haymen: “The doctor said something about Urumqi.”
CT: “Doctor?”
Haymen: “Some old guy. He said Urumqi was good for Gusberg and Pandula, although I’m not sure what it is.”
Cook: “I think they’re a who, not a what.”
Haymen: “Oh, okay.”
Glancing over the group, we notice how the latest two additions seem completely bewildered by the entire conversation, as if they had no idea what they’d been roped into, or perhaps even kidnapped into. But before we can press any of these issues, Rustgold returns with Stackpole, both happily chatting to a somewhat subdued and apologetic airport official.
Rustgold: “Reporters? Well we’d love to talk, but my boys have a plane to catch.” And under the escort of the airport official, the entire party is chaperoned towards the terminals for departure. Watching a few planes take off, we wonder about the cyclists' fates.
Just before 8:30pm, Rustgold walks out alone, smiling at succeeding in whatever insidious scheme he has in store for them. And our brave reporters were there for the headline news.
CT: “Excuse me, we’d like to ask a few questions if you don’t mind.”
Rustgold: “Sure.”
CT: “Really?”
Rustgold: “Sure, ask whatever question. It doesn’t mean I'll answer them, that’s why I have a PR manager, but you can ask.”
CT: “…. right. So, Is Mr Stackpole working for you again, and does this mean that the Australian Warlord team is now officially being reactivated.”
Rustgold: “Yes, and sure, why not. Thanks for this lovely chat, we must do it again some time.”
CT: “But we haven’t finished asking…"
The Australian Warlord manager managed to slip past us into a waiting darkened white car, but not before revealing the news to make us at Chat Tabloid fear for the cycling community. Rustgold's Australian Warlord team is officially reforming. May God have mercy on cyclists' souls.
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Comments
An update on the 19 year old we "kidnapped". For his 20th birthday we completed his HL torture sessions, and he still hasn't given out on us (I suspect he's got Stockholm Syndrome).
Alexander Simon
Stats:
CL: Very good (82)
DH: Good (71)
HL: Good (72)
He's now been handed off to our medical team for some of our special climbs in house "experime.... training".
welcom back great story
welcome back!
I've spoken to Stackpole Nooky, and if Cook does well in Perm &/or Bordano, we might be able arrange something between your Team Oasis and ourselves that bypasses whatever blockade or whatever the Australian Government has arranged with the Americans on Iran.
** Chat Tabloid Breaking Story **
In breaking news, the AW team has just kidnapped a 19 year old born climber (starts with 43 climb) with potentials of
Potential: CL: Very good DH: Good
HL: Good SP: Average
FR: None CB: Average
TT: Small TQ: Average
AW's manager was last seen driving erratically at speed towards AW headquarters. More news at 10.
** end broadcast **
Welcome back. We offer some interesting trade routes, may you want to make use of those. They have been approved by the Don.
Welcome back. Richest team of the game. Unfortunately I have noone to sell.
Good luck!
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